Dealing with Loss and Grief

 

Fact Sheets on Loss

The Center for Loss and Life Transition is an organization dedicated to furthering the understanding of, and compassion for, the complex set of emotions called grief. The Center was founded in 1983 by Alan D. Wolfelt, Ph.D. Dr. Wolfelt is an internationally noted author, educator and grief counselor. He serves as Director of the Center for Loss and Life Transition and is on the faculty at the University of Colorado Medical School's Department of Family Medicine.

The Center offers many pertinent writings by Dr. Wolfelt online. We offer direct links to those most relevant to caregivers. His advice is straight-forward and easy to understand.

 

The Family Caregiver Alliance also offers information on grief and loss covering what grief is, anticipatory loss, sudden loss, how long grief lasts, symptoms and stages of grief, and ethical issues.

 

National Resource Center for Respite and Crisis Care Services is an agency that offers a fact sheet that discusses what grief is, the emotions of grief, healing strategies to help families grieve, and when to be concerned.

 

 

Online Support

" When we are bereaved we are comforted most by those who have suffered a similar loss. With them we know we are understood, that we are safe to experience the multiple aspects of our grief. We can talk to them about feelings, about dreams, about wishes, about fears, for they have had them, too." These are the words of the founder and director of a nonprofit online grief support community. They provide e-mail support groups and other information operating under the name of Rivendell resources. The site is supervised by a clinical grief psychologist, death educator, and traumatologist. They provide a site for kids, individual support, suicide prevention and survivor information, books and publications, an online library, connections to other resources, and a Memorials section.

 

AARP offers a wealth of online grief support as well as the opportunity to share your story with others. Some direct links are provided below.

 

Beyond Indigo is a site that provides comfort, support and education about issues surrounding death "at a time when people are confused, apprehensive and dealing with shock and sorrow." It is geared toward those who have lost a loved one, are anticipating the loss of a loved one or who are facing their own death in the near future. They offer the opportunity to partner with a "buddy" who has suffered the same type of loss. You can also share your story and pose questions to an expert.

 

LifeNet is a federally-designated, organ procurement organization. Their Donor Family Services Department offers a website designed specifically to promote healing and peace for organ and tissue donor families. The site offers information and resources for anyone who is dealing with loss and is not restricted to donor families.

 

Tips for Helping the Bereaved

The Family Caregiver Alliance offers these tips for helping the bereaved.

• Be available. Offer support in an unobtrusive but persistent manner.
• Listen without giving advice.
• Do not offer stories of your own. This can have the effect of dismissing the grieving person's pain.
• Allow the grieving person to use expressions of anger or bitterness, including such expressions against God. This may be normal behavior in an attempt to find meaning in what has happened.
• Realize that no one can replace or undo the loss. To heal, the individual must endure the grief process. Allow him/her to feel the pain.
• Be patient, kind and understanding without being patronizing. Don't claim to "know" what the other person is feeling.
• Don't force the individual to share feelings if he/she doesn't want to.
• Physical and emotional touch can bring great comfort to the bereaved. Don't hesitate to share a hug or handclasp when appropriate.
• Be there later, when friends and family have all gone back to their routines.
• Remember holidays, birthdays, and anniversaries which have important meaning for the bereaved. Offer support during this time. Don't be afraid of reminding the person of the loss; he/she is already thinking about it.

Practical Assistance for the Bereaved
Things a person can do without asking:

• Send a card or flowers.
• Bring food.
• Water or mow their lawn.
• Donate blood.
• Contribute to a cause which is meaningful to your friend or family member.

Things a person can do to help but should ask first:

• Offer to stay in the home to take phone calls, receive food and guests.
• Offer child care on a specific date.
• Offer to care for pets.
• Offer transportation.

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