Surviving the Holidays With a Smile

 

Holidays can be stressful for anyone. But, for family caregivers, the stress can be compounded. Add a mix of Alzheimer's or dementia and it becomes a recipe for disaster.

Though it may sound simplified, there are ways to de-stress your life at this time of year and help you cope.

 

 

 

Handling Caregiver Stress - Especially During the Holidays

The links below are to online articles from 4Therapy Network. This site provides information on a number of mental health issues. Related articles are identified at the bottom of each section for further in-depth looks. They also have articles on when to seek therapy, how to choose a good therapist, what therapy is all about and how it works, and other topics of relevance. The articles will be helpful whether you would ever choose therapy or not.

 

Remember to H.A.L.T. Never let yourself get too... Hungry Angry Lonely Tired From Beyond Indigo

 

 

Does Your Family Member Have Alzheimer's?

There are many resources available to help and support you as you deal with the intricacies of your own family dynamics. The Duke Family Support Program offers tips to make visiting and dealing with family a less stressful time - especially for those who have a family member with Alzheimer's Disease or any of the varying stages of dementia. What they share is applicable to anyone.

Holiday Visiting Tips: A Message for the Faith Community and Friends of Alzheimer's Families

"As a friend of someone with Alzheimer’s disease (or a related dementia) or as a member of his or her faith community, there are many special ways you can bring joy throughout the holidays." The DFSP offers a collection of tips to make your visits with Alzheimer’s families pleasant for all.

Table of Contents:

• Preparing to Visit an Alzheimer’s Family: Old Traditions – New Realities
• Gifts That Meet Physical, Emotional and Spiritual Needs
• Visiting an Alzheimer’s Family: How to Have a Great Conversation When You Don’t Know What to Say
• What Does a Good Visitor Look Like?
• Making Nursing Home Visits Count
• How The Church Can Help The Family

To Make Holiday Time Easier, Think…… N.O.E.L. Note the effect of the environment and activities on your loved one. Observe normal routine. To decrease anxiety and agitation in your loved one during the holidays, keep his/her routine as normal as possible. Expect changes in the way you celebrate the holidays with your loved one. Capitalize on skills and activities that are still enjoyable to him/her. Limit the expectations you place on yourself. If old traditions don’t work, start new ones.

 

Ten Tips for Telephone Talk With a Person With Dementia

People with memory disorders want and need to stay connected to friends and family. But sometimes it is hard to know what to say. Try these tips.

1. Check with the person’s primary caregiver, whether a family member or health care provider about:
   1. Best time of day to call
   2. Any topics which might upset the person
   3. Topics or themes that sustain the person’s good feelings about him/herself.
2. Don’t rush into the purpose of the call. Allow plenty of time for the person to get comfortable and respond.
3. Try to keep calls short, but pleasant— a good neutral warm-up is the weather: “The blue sky today reminds me of our family picnics.”
4. Do not question or quiz repeatedly. Remember, answers may not be accurate.
5. It’s fine for the person to tell a favorite story, over and over again—memories get richer with the telling.
6. If s/he repeats the same question, give the same brief answer each time. Refrain from telling him/her that you just answered that question.
7. It is quite common for the person to be suspicious of those closest to him/her, and even to misinterpret what is seen or heard. Do not argue, explain or contradict beliefs. Listen, comfort and reassure. You don’t have to agree.
8. Complaints about family, current living situation (nursing home) or physical ailments, should be acknowledged, “I'm sorry you are having a tough day”—you don’t have to fix it or offer a solution. If you are concerned about something the person said, mention it to the family or care provider. Generally, they can clear up misunderstandings.
9. To avoid frustration or embarrassment be aware of the person’s current abilities, otherwise they may feel they are not living up to expectations.
10. If s/he seems confused, upset or inattentive, promise to call back later, and keep that promise. Always end the conversation with an authentic and positive farewell.

Roberta Wallace, MSW, ACSW, LCSW
Bryan ADRC Memory Disorders Clinic, Duke Medical Center
From "The Caregiver" (Duke Family Support Program Newsletter)

 

 

Have a Friend or Family Member With Alzheimer's?
Need Help Fast? Try the Alzheimer's Association Helpline.

Need Help Anytime? 1-800-272-3900

Calls are confidential. The phones are staffed by clinicians who can provide information about dementia, crisis assistance, caregiving and treatment options and elder abuse. This service is free and is available twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week.

 

 

Additional Resources

 

Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration offers a Toll-Free Hotline for those who need a referral to someone to talk to in confidence and privacy. 1-800-273-8255 1-800-799-4889 (TTY)

 

 

Using the Holidays to Communicate About Serious Issues

Families tend to gather during the holidays whether they see each other the rest of the year or not. During these times, you may notice subtle - or not so subtle - signs that your family member is no longer able to perform activities of daily living as well as before or that his or her mental state has changed (forgetfulness, change in personality, etc.). This would be a great time to do an informal evaluation of functioning. Use our checklist to help. This is something that may be done through observation or with the help of your family member. This will not only provide you with a reflection of what is happening with your family member, it will also assist you in deciding whether action is needed and, if so, what type. It will help ensure that, should you decide to consult with a doctor or other professional, communication is clear with regard to what behaviors have been observed and/or discussed.

Read about techniques to help you have these sometimes difficult discussions, if you need them

Have you and your family member done any planning for the future? Think about whether or not the holidays would work for you to begin this process.

Disaster planning is another area that needs to be discussed. In 2004, the National Association of Area Agencies on Aging developed a plan for caregivers to help them ensure that their family member was safe during a crisis or disaster situation. They encouraged family members to have meaningful discussions over the holidays when families typically get together. Their plan is called "In Touch".

 

The “IN TOUCH” Plan Overview Identify potential emergency situations Note community resources Talk about individual circumstances Outline your plan in writing Update as situations change Communicate regularly and test Have peace of mind

 

 

 

Want to Help a Caregiver During the Holidays?

More than any other time of year, the Christmas holidays can be a major source of stress. There are so many things to do on top of caregiving responsibilities. Self initiated deadlines and lists of things to do can easily overwhelm a family caregiver. As a caring friend or family member, you can help in many ways. Your gift of time would be an incredible offering.

 

Know a caregiver dealing with a family member with Alzheimer's or dementia? These caregivers may be under the most stress of all. However, many people don't feel comfortable about their knowledge of how to communicate with a person with Alzheimer's. We can give you tips.

 

Remember, you can always just ask. Ask what they need; Ask how to do it; Ask when they need it done; Ask if there is anything else you can do.

 

You could make such a difference in the life of an entire family. The gift of your time is an amazing gift that only you can offer. If this appeals to you, consider a gift that would include time throughout the year. It would be greatly appreciated.

 

 

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